Have you ever tried to carry on a pleasant conversation right after stubbing your toe? That’s kind of like the first few weeks of motherhood. There is so much to read about pregnancy and so much time to read it (if this is your first baby, anyway)! But postpartum motherhood? Not so much. I believe many women play the comparison game and are reluctant to share the difficulties they face postpartum because it doesn’t appear that all women experience them. If you’ve ever come across my myriad of pretty staged squares on Instagram, you won’t see my tornado of a bathroom or post-cry puffy eyes, but they were there when the camera was off. So today, I’m here to share the not-so-glamorous side of postpartum life in hopes that it will relieve some of the stress you are dealing with!
I can’t tell you that my experience is “normal” or to be expected, but I can tell you what I went (and continue to go) through. I share this not to scare you, but to provide some comfort and peace of mind that someone else has been there even if it seems like they haven’t. Today I share my experience in the much ignored “fourth trimester” and what I didn’t expect to think and feel in those crazy weeks post-birth.

Not all of this is pleasant (and some of it is humorous), but it is raw and real! Brooks is our absolute BIGGEST blessing and I am so thankful everyday for the opportunity to be his mama (read our birth story to see how he made his way into the world)! While motherhood is quite the challenge, it is the best job I have ever had and is so clearly my God-given life’s work. The struggles I face are 100% worth the love I feel for my son and my family. 🙂

10 Postpartum Struggles:

1. You put a LOT of pressure on yourself.

If this is you, I hope you will try and recognize that you are doing this to yourself. It helped me to realize that it was ME putting on the pressure, not anyone else. I was my own worst critic about my abilities as a new mother and I wish I would have had a bit more grace with myself in those first few months. I felt like I should know all of the things moms know right away and felt embarrassed and ashamed if my husband noticed something on Brooks’ that needed attention before I did. Sounds RIDICULOUS, I know, but it’s how I felt. And then there’s the pressure of nursing, of fielding the opinions of all your company, of taking the reigns as the MVP caretaker when you yourself find it difficult to get off the couch, there is just so much physical and emotional strain that is so self-inflicted and unjustifiable. Take it from someone who’s been there and allow yourself a grace period to learn, heal, and assimilate into your new role! You are a rockstar already for birthing a baby and you will only get better as time passes!

2. You take everything personally

I’m not all that sensitive by nature – it honestly takes a lot to offend me. I guess that’s why blogging is such a good fit (because when you put yourself out there somebody ALWAYS has something to say about it…). But post-partum Kelsie was not so chill. I found myself fixating on the tiniest thing my husband said, or the little comment my sister made, things that weren’t even meant to poke at me. I turned things that had nothing to do with me into a direct punch and allowed myself to get emotional about it. I’m not saying this is wrong, I think it comes with the extra dose of hormones and has since calmed down considerably! But it was definitely something I didn’t expect to deal with. I guess if I had to offer up advice about dealing with this, it would be to prepare your loved ones for it. Tell your spouse to give you a hug whenever you’re being irrational and to just let you be that way! It never made anything better when I would feel crazy for thinking a certain way, so make sure you family and friends know what you need from them! (And read my tips for preparing your marriage/relationship for a new baby… a strong foundation is the best defense against stressful times!)

3. You are constantly trying to devise ways to reach something that’s a few inches too far away with objects in reach around you and without making any sudden movements.

This one’s pretty self explanatory. It just seems that every time I sit down and finally get comfortable with Brooks, my water/phone/pillow/remote is just barely out of reach and the slightest nudge would be sure to disturb the sleeping beauty. My toes have become a lot more capable than they once were, that’s for sure! The first month at home with your spouse and new baby is pretty much taking turns holding the baby/fetching objects for one another… it’s magical!

4. You cry a lot

Refer to #2. The first night home with Brooks I cried like a baby (no pun intended) because I was just so overwhelmed with emotion and with my extremely intense love for this new person. To let you into my postpartum brain a bit: I was so completely happy and equally so sad thinking about how one day we would all grow up and die and I just wanted to stay in this happy moment right here. And then I cried thinking about how amazing Heaven will be but also confused myself trying to fathom what spending “forever” there actually meant. And then I thought about the world and how awful it was… but then I also remembered how beautiful life is… and then I thought about how my life was totally unrecognizable now and it was freaky… and I just really couldn’t decide why I was crying but it was intense. Poor Matt!

5. You will feel like you’re pre-baby life was as distant as high school

Like I said, you will feel like your old life was lifetimes ago. pregnancy feels like such a distant memory and it was just a few months ago. I’m not sure why, but the overwhelming shift of lifestyle just throws you and as a result your entire outlook on life changes!

6. Your tailbone starts to ache from sitting so much

This was totally unexpected. I had been a teacher for years so I had never sat for long periods of time for several days consecutively. My tailbone was annoyingly painful… but at least I could lay on my stomach (when I got a minute to myself)!

7. Your love and appreciation for your body grows immensely (no matter how it looks)

After having Brooks, my body went to work. It was so strange because it sort of just happened without my conscious efforts. I subconsciously pushed through discomfort to meet Brooks’ needs. Instead of lifting weights to improve the form of my body, my arms were suddenly more about function as I held Brooks for hours to rock him to sleep. I was in the worst physical “shape” of my life, but my body was being more productive than it had EVER been before. I was so incredibly proud of myself and of my body’s continued efforts to serve my little boy. Three months later and I thought I’d care more about the 2 inch gap between my abs… but I don’t. Talk about a positive body image!

8. If you’re nursing, you won’t have periods

…After what seems like the never ending one that lasts almost the entire month after you deliver. You may already know this, but I didn’t and boy was that a pleasant surprise! I’m dealing with enough physical stress right now, thank you!!

9. Chores, Showers, ANYTHING alone is a vacation!

The first time I went to the grocery store by myself I had SO MUCH FUN. I didn’t even realize I would, but it was seriously a “me party”. I jammed in my car to rap music on the way to the store like a teenager, strolled the aisles slowly, and grabbed a FULL-CAFF starbucks coffee to enjoy along the way. It was an absolute blast – and still is. I don’t know when this will wear off, but I’m loving it! And don’t even get me started on showering…

10. You eat like a racoon

If you thought you ate anything and everything when you were pregnant, multiply that by 10 and that’s postpartum. Except this time, food and the time to eat it is much harder to come by. So when somebody places something in front of you – ANYTHING – it’s gone in minutes because you are clinging to anything that will boost your energy a bit (and who knows when the next time you can eat will be)? This was a complete surprise to me because, after eating ALL the Mexican food in those last few weeks of pregnancy, I was more than ready to get back to clean eating and try and shed some of those baby pounds! Then Brooks arrived and my diet was the last thing I cared about. I took my prenatal to make sure my milk would have what it needed, but other than that it was all about calories and I didn’t care how I got them – I was ravenous!

I want to close by sharing something that is on my heart with y’all. I have loved this journey as a new mom, but it has not been easy or relaxing in the slightest. Every day I have time to do ONE of the following, but not all and rarely 2 or 3 of them:

• Shower
• Get ready
• Eat/cook a meal with two hands
• Clean something (anything)
• Do something for yourself (for me, this is blogging)
• Sleep
• Workout

On the days I share how I’ve worked out or cooked, my house was a mess and I likely hadn’t showered. On the days I share how I’ve organized my room or my house for a home tour, I was probably starving. On the days I post on the blog, likely NOTHING else got done outside of keeping my baby alive. I hope you understand that the intention of my blog is never to make you feel like you should be doing more, because honestly I often feel like I should be doing less. I try and remind myself that my most important role right now is as mom and wife, and all of the things in the list above are extra and secondary. It is okay to scrape by for a while, to shove the pile of dirty clothes in the closet to make it look more presentable for your sanity, to eat frozen meals on the couch. The balance will come and life will calm down. The most important thing is that you enjoy the moments you have with your new babe and family, those memories are worth far more than any clean house is!

So, put down your phone and go enjoy those baby snuggles! You deserve it, mama! 🙂

 

with LOVE always,

Kelsie