You have just asked the class to put their phones away and take their earbuds out so that you can begin your lesson. Everyone follows instructions and begins turning their attention towards you, except of course, the kid who’s mood depends on the day (let’s call him “Johnny”). Johnny* decides to take this opportunity to put his giant beat headphones on and pull out his phone – which he knows very well is the exact opposite of what you’ve just asked him to do. To make matters worse, Johnny is right in the front where everyone can see him blatantly defying your very rational request.
The class begins to take note of Johnny’s defiance and some may even start to giggle or make comments. It may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the series of events Johnny* has been through today up until your class, but to you in that moment it feels personal. Your anxiety heightens as you scramble to make a snap decision about how to best handle the situation to maintain the respect and productivity of your class. What do you do?
It is that time in the school year when everyone starts to get a bit comfortable. Teachers get comfortable with their routine again and may arrive later in the day forced to stitch together the remaining bits of their lesson. Students begin to grow more comfortable with their classmates and chatter between students who used to not know one another begins to rise. And most of all, students are past the “trying to impress you” stage (you know, the one some students never were in at all ?). In this stage, students begin to feel like they have you figured out. They trust you with knowing that while they may act up today, you will have mercy on them because you’ve seen them at their best for some time. Some students may even feel comfortable enough in your class that they begin to test you and see if whether or not you are “all talk” when it comes to upholding set expectations. And the truth is, it is a test. It is a test to see how you, the responsible and rational adult, will handle adverse situations that arise in your classroom.
As teachers, one of our top priorities is to somehow get our students to enjoy our class (even when they may not enjoy the subject). We understand that for a student to learn from us, some form of a positive relationship has to be present. We know that for a student to listen to what we are saying to them, we have to have earned their respect, which for many of our students is not easily earned. Keeping your classroom environment healthy and supportive of quality learning involves finding that perfect balance of authority, compassion, and respect. So how is this “perfect balance” achieved? I can tell you honestly that while I don’t have the answer to this, I have learned a lot of “hows” and “how NOT’s” over the past 5 years. Let’s take a look at a few misconceptions to effectively manage student behavior.
When I was a first year teacher, fresh out of college and barely 22 years old, I found myself in front of a class of juniors and seniors. The school I taught at was very different than the one I grew up attending and as much as I tried to relate, I could tell that my students knew I could not. I felt myself fighting hard to establish dominance in my classes each day in fear that if I did not my students would walk all over me. I maintained structure – more so than any of their other teachers- to the highest degree in my attempt to create the “utopia” environment that I had pictured myself having in college (I even gave a seating chart to a class of 6 junior/seniors in an elective science class that none of them wanted to take ??â€â™€ï¸). I knew I was vulnerable to getting walked on, so my rationale was that if I was harsh and stubborn with my expectations/discipline my students would begin to respect me. I learned quickly that this was not the case. My first-year-teacher self thought that in order to maintain a structured class I had to use opportunities of misbehavior to make “examples” out of the misbehaving students in hopes that the rest of the class wouldn’t do the same. I figured that if student’s saw me exercising my authority on their classmates they would respect me more. As a young teacher, I thought I had something to prove and made sure to not let anything slide in order to prove it. What I ended up with was months upon months of battles with students and heightened behavior issues. I found myself writing up kids left and right because I felt that was the only power I had over them. I could feel many of my most reluctant students losing respect for me – and these were the kids who needed me most. My first year as a teacher, like many others, was a tear-filled journey of all nighters and anxiety.
I have since learned there is another way, a better way, to manage discipline and maintain the healthy learning environment and student respect we all want to achieve. Guess what? It involves none of the above “power tools”. It all boils down to this: DO NOT MAKE AN EXAMPLE OUT OF HIM/HER.Â
Let’s jump back to the aforementioned classroom situation involving Johnny* and the headphones. Everyone’s watching you and waiting to see how you deal with the behavior. You feel a sense of urgency to handle it there and then – to make a scene that will scare students from doing the same. DON’T. Remain calm and continue your lesson, looking for the quickest and most casual time to insert an impromptu activity to get kids working at their desk so that you can slip away for a moment. I usually use the “get out a sheet of paper and work with your partner to come up with the best possible answer to this question…. (state “on the spot” question), we will share answers in 4 minutes”. Kids start working, now time to deal with Jonnny*.
Ask Johnny discretely to step outside for a moment and talk to you. It is SO CRUCIAL that you speak to the student away from others – here are 3 reasons:
1. If students are reprimanded in front of others, they feel humiliated by you and become even more upset with you and your class leading to more defiance.Â
2. If students are reprimanded in front of peers, they are not focusing on what you are saying to them (even if it is the most compassionate and rational thing ever), they are focusing on what their peers are thinking about them in that moment and trying to gauge who is watching.
3. The student who blatantly defies you in front of the class initially is already in combat mode because they know it’s coming. They clearly in that moment don’t care if their peers see them being disrespectful and may even want the attention. Handling this in front of peers gives them the opportunity to make a scene, which is exactly what they were seeking when they made the choice to disrespect you in front of everyone in the first place.
Once you have Johnny* out in the hall, THEN and ONLY THEN should you go about having a conversation. Lead with compassion, asking the student NOT about the behavior they just performed, but about what is going on with them that may have lead to causing them to act that way. For example, “Johnny* I have to say I’m really surprised and disappointed in your actions just now – is everything alright with you today?” 90% of the time, students will begin to share something they are frustrated about that has absolutely nothing to do with you. This then becomes a conversation about how to handle that unrelated situation before addressing the misbehavior again. When the student can feel the compassion and respect you have for them, they are more likely to listen to you when you explain to them how their actions in your class were unacceptable. Moreover, they are also more likely to correct the action and comply with any consequence you give them. However, you still of course must establish authority with the student in terms of discipline, enforcing the same consequence as you would to any student who performed the same action. The situation and feelings, however, have deescalated by the time you do so. More importantly, the student is less likely to make the mistake again when they know they will not get a rise out of you and that you respect them enough to handle it with compassion instead of combat.Â
I have found that for many of my students it is situations like these that need to take place a couple of times before you really begin to see a change in the student’s general demeanor in your class. It is not about being reluctant to enforcing discipline or lowering your standards, you must hold students accountable and you must maintain the consequences in a fair manner. It is HOW you respond to the discipline that makes the difference with your individual students and your classroom environment as a whole. Of course not all situations are casual enough to be handled this way and not all students respond to your attempts and redirection, but the judgement calls you make on a case-by-case basis will set the culture of behavior and respect in your class. Any good teacher knows that teaching is about relationships, not content. Take the time and put in the effort to learn about your students. Just as Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton mention in the book “How Full is Your Bucket”, you need to make small positive deposits in the “emotional piggy bank” for each student before you decide to make a withdrawal. Talk to them before calling home or calling their coach. Build a relationship with each one so that if a situation arises you know them enough to know how they will best respond to your choice of handling it. Discipline and behavior management is definitely not “one size fits all”, and it is by getting to know your students that you can find their specific “size”.
Most of all, show compassion. Students don’t act up if something isn’t wrong. So, Don’t make an example out of them. Get to the root of it, because they are kids and that’s what they need you for. Kids need structure and discipline, but provide it with compassion – because for many, they need this more.
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday ? and get your mind right to greet those kiddos with a smile and some patience tomorrow!
-Kelsie
