5 Ways to Make Mom Friends

I can personally vouch for the isolating challenge of “friend courtship”. Moving states away from my hometown and becoming a stay-at-home mom shortly after, I longed for community and family in those vulnerable months. All of you reading this are likely thinking one of two things “Yep, that’s me!” or “I have my group and am totally content so this doesn’t apply to me”. But for those of you who think the latter, I would argue that this is actually more valuable for you to hear. You see, a feeling of community and belonging is critical to everybody’s happiness, and in order for one to successfully build their own in a new place, both parties must be receptive to a little bit of discomfort. In this post I’ve outlined 5 ways to make mom friends in case you too have found yourself longing for community in this trying but beautiful season of motherhood!

5 ways to make mom friends

three toddlers playing by the lake with geese on a walk

Making Friends as Adults Isn’t As Easy as it Used to Be

The easiest time to make great friends in life is perhaps when everyone else is looking to do the same, but those years quickly fade. Life moves on and we are all thrown into new circumstances and places, and our seasons of life become staggered. For those of you who are fortunate enough to live in a place where many of your closest friends reside, this is likely something you haven’t much considered. But you need to. As adults, making new great friends is tough. By the time we are settled, most of us are too busy, exhausted, or simply not interested in putting forth the effort to build a new friendship and we falsely assume that everyone is as comfortable and settled in their community as we are.

Story Time: The Empty Invite

Here’s an example: I have this friend – let’s call her Stacy. Stacy was new to town, a new mom, and didn’t have a whole lot of friends… you know, the kind that you can call just to come over and watch Friends reruns with. So despite her new mom exhaustion, she actively began pursuing opportunities to build her “community” in her new home, stretching her neck out and putting herself out of her comfort zone whenever she got the chance. Stacy met a girl – let’s call her Kristen – briefly at the neighborhood pool, found out that she was also a new mom, and asked her to coffee. They got together, had great conversation, and discovered that they had a lot in common! So much so that Kristen – who grew up there and had a full community of family and close friends – genuinely suggested that Stacy join her and her friends for their next moms night out. Stacy eagerly awaited an invitation, but it never came.

You see, Kristen never did anything wrong. She was perfectly pleasant and warm, kindly receptive to coffee with a stranger, and nobody expected her to do what she didn’t do. The next time Kristen went out with her friends, chances are asking Stacy didn’t even cross her mind. After all, Kristen is comfortable and content in her community, so she isn’t looking through the lens that Stacy is. Even if Kristen had thought to invite Stacy, it is much easier to put it off and say “next time I’ll ask her” because it would take some effort and maybe a little extra entertaining. But the smallest decision to invite Stacy, that maybe would have been a small inconvenience for Kristen, would have made a world of a difference to Stacy.

Establish and Extend Your Community

So many of us get caught up in our own business, going about our week, checking off our to do list, taking care of our people, and squeezing in some time with our friends when we have the chance. So, it’s easy to stay here within the walls of our own community. But I guarantee that we all have neighbors – people right beneath our noses – who are clinging to every invitation they get. So, here’s my challenge:

If you are content in your community: Be on the lookout for somebody who is not. Keep your eyes peeled at work, church, the neighborhood pool, and put yourself out of your comfort zone. Introduce yourself and invite someone to coffee. Think back to the last time you met someone you liked and ask them to come out with your friends this weekend. A slight discomfort for you, sure, but will likely make the week of the other party!
If you are in need of community: Create your own opportunities and make yourself available to others. Rather than wait for Kristen to find you, go introduce yourself to someone at your Pilates class! Catch your neighbor on their way to the mailbox and say hello! You can only hope they will be receptive to a possible new friendship, and with enough pitches, you’re sure to get a hit! But also remember that community doesn’t happen overnight, so be patient and while you wait be sure to make frequent phone calls to your long distance people :).

Let us not forget that we are here to serve other people. Sometimes the best service we can do for someone else is to just be available.

For those of you looking to grow your network of “mom friends” (me, me!), here are 5 ways to do so this week:

baby girl in a lemon swimsuit sitting in the grass

5 Ways to Make Mom Friends

1. Get out and do things!

“‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’ – Wayne Gretzky” – Michael Scott. He wasn’t wrong. the more you get out and see people, the more chances you are awarding yourself to meet someone new. Do some research in your area and make a list of all the “hot spots” (parks, libraries, gardens, zoo’s, play gyms, pools, etc.) and make a goal of trying one new spot a week (heck, make it 3)! If you happen to live in Kansas City, I’ve taken the work off your hands as I have recently tasked myself with the same. Here is my list of the best spots to bring your babies in KC (particularly on the west side):

baby girl playing at a wide open park with boulder

kids watching a train go by over a tunnel

KC Area Parks We Frequent and Love

Olathe Lake Park & Splash Pad – walking trails, beach, water activities, splash pads, playgrounds, disc gold, this park has it all! Pack a lunch and make a day of it! We especially love:
Beaver Shelter at Olathe Lake – With a zipline, an irrigation pump, and a park that looks suited for a ninja warrior, this park is a lot of fun! And it’s half turf for those of you with babies that like to eat and throw rocks.
Black Hoof Park – One of my favorites because of it’s magical tree covered trails that weave around a beautiful lake! Gorgeous views and lots of fun parks with a little water feature for the kids to splash in!
Sar-Ko-Par Park – Very cool park and coffee shop in walking distance (Foundry Church opens it’s coffee shop to the public).
Cedar Niles Park – New park in West Olathe (Right near Olathe Lake)! It is about halfway completed – right now you can simply explore most of the pretty trails but the playgrounds will open up soon!
Shawnee Mission Park – this one is BIG and fun to explore! Lots of cool parks and walking trails. Our favorite little corner of this park is:
“Train Park” (Streamway Crossing) – this is our favorite park spot in the KC metro area! It’s a secluded little playground right next to the train tracks and the train goes by every half our or so (in our experience)! Walk 50 yards or so down the path to “train tunnel” (a tunnel that goes under the tracks) and keep following the trail a little ways up to find a gorgeous lake with geese and lots of pretty trees!
Indian Creek Library Park – This new build park right next to the Olathe Indian Creek Library is really something! All turf, lots of fun spots to play, lots of shade, and baby friendly with low to the ground tunnels! This is one of our new favorites!
Meadowbrook Park – like Sar-Ko-Par, it may not have all the walking trails but it has the coolest playgrounds and a coffee shop within reach!
Little Mill Creek Park (Lenexa) – We love this park and the walking trails that feed off of it!
Roe Park – Big and fun in overland park! Usually pretty busy!
Antioch Park – Also in Overland Park and also pretty busy, but for good reason!

KC Area Spots for Kids (Non – Park)

Overland Park Arboretum and Botanical Gardens – the most enchanting spot in KC! Another spot you’ll want to pack a lunch for – $3 for adults and free for kids!
Public Libraries – our favorite is the Indian Creek Olathe Location and the Monticello Branch of the Johnson County Library in Shawnee (off K7 and Shawnee Mission Pkwy).
Deanna Rose Children’s Farmstead – The most fun $2 can buy in KC! Feed goats, see all sorts of farm and exotic animals, walk through an enchanted forest, grab ice cream and lunch, play at the parks, take a wagon ride… the fun is endless!
Union Station – So much indoor fun for the train lover – especially around the holidays!
Lenexa City Center – There is so much to do in the Lenexa City Center! One of our favorites – grab a coffee from Reverie Cup & then walk down the street to the wide open field to let the kids run around!
Foundry Coffee Shop + Open Gym – Foundry Church opens it’s doors to the public for free use of it’s facilities (coffee shop, toddler gym/indoor playground, full sized gym with scooters/balls etc.) Tuesday-Saturday! This is our favorite poor weather spot and served as our indoor park throughout the winter – we met lots of moms and friends here!
Scheels – Sports store with a kids play place, coffee shop, toy stops, a ferris wheel, and LOTS of stuffed animal exhibits to look at! You could spend a morning strolling this fun store and entertaining your babies without buying a thing (and there’s a fun kids room with tunnels and slides)!

*Another suggestion that has worked wonders for me – join a gym with childcare! Since you’ll be going during times that work with your kids naps and you’ll be dropping your kids off in the kids center, you’re sure to meet some moms with a similar schedule/season! I recently joined Lifetime (Lenexa) and we go everyday – it is my hour of solo time bliss!

baby girl in striped jumper and sandals at the park

2. Utilize social media

What may be the downfall of our generation is also a great tool for getting connected! utilize social media to find kid friendly spots by searching hashtags/locations, re-connect with old friends who may live near by, reach out to someone in your neighborhood group! I have sent DM’s to random moms in my area asking to meet for coffee and almost always land a date! (and always feel free to reach out to me @kelsiebrownblog)!

3. Pull your resources

If you’re in a new city, run a quick scan of your phone book and see who – if anyone – lives nearby! Ask your long distance friends if they know anybody in your city, ask your siblings/cousins, just do what you can to gather a few names! You may not know anybody, but your sorority sister may have interned with somebody who now lives in your city and that just may be the ticket to a new group of friends!

little boy pointing at a miniature train

4. Chat up a mom in public!

When you take your kids to one of the fun spots listed above, don’t be shy! Easier said than done, especially if you’re an introvert, but do your best to challenge your comfort zone and strike up a conversation! Here are a few pick up lines gathered from my instagram poll:

Mom Friend Pick-Up Lines:

“We love this park because it’s so close to us! Do y’all live around here?”
“Love the sandbox here! The other day we went to XYZ – they have the coolest XYZ. Have you been?”
“What a cutie! How old?” (avoid “is he/her” unless youre 100% sure…)
“cliche weather comment” that leads you into talking about your deepest darkest secrets.
“I love your _______ (stroller, diaper bag, babies outfit, etc.)! where is it from?”
After a pleasant conversation, no matter how short, finish with something along the lines of: “you know, I’m always looking for friends to meet at the park/ walk with! Can I get your number? I’d love to meet up next time we go to the splash pad!”

5. Send the text/DM

That number you snagged at the park this morning? Use it. Maybe not tonight, but in a day or two, send an invite to some place casual, like a new park or somewhere you frequent often! Even if you already have a group going, invite your new friend along! Everyone appreciates the extra connections!

little boy jumping at the park on a stump — 5 ways to make mom friends

6. BONUS -Try a friendship app!

Shameless, mama! These things exist for a reason. I’ve heard great things about “Peanut” – the “dating app” for mom friends! If you aren’t having any luck pulling on your resources or out and about, don’t throw in the towel – just expand your search!

mom and babies kissing and hugging at the park — 5 ways to make mom friends

Making mom friends – or any friends for that matter – can be tough, especially as our lives get more hectic and our schedules grow less flexible. I hope you’ve found these 5 tips to making mom friends valuable! Raising babies takes a village, and even if it may not seem like you’ve got one, it’s there and waiting for you! You just need to know where to look!